They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say. Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends. There may be so many times we feel we let someone down that it can be hard to know where to begin. We want https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/what-are-sober-living-homes/ to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry that our words will fall short. This part is perhaps the most daunting, but it is also the most important. Let the other person explain how they feel, how they were affected, and what they need to move forward.
- By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation.
- While it may be your hope and wish that each person that you reach out to is ready to accept your heartfelt apology, some may not be quite there yet.
- Arrange to speak with the other person – while COVID-19 has complicated this process, making amends face-to-face is encouraged.
- At the heart of this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends.
- Repairing the hurt and mistrust is important to family recovery.
When you go directly to the person, real spiritual transformation is more likely to occur. A 12-step program is designed to encourage long-term sobriety, by fostering a spirituality for recovery. Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction. Through mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, members learn and practice these spiritual steps and principles, with a view to staying sober and helping others do the same. Sometimes, trying to make things right can cause others distress. There are cases in which reaching out to someone, even to apologize and let them know you’ve changed, can cause pain.
I’m In Recovery
This is not an activity you will want to tackle in one night. It can be difficult to think about and may make you feel depressed. Take your time as you make this list and spread it out over the course of several days or weeks to ensure living amends that you both think of everyone and give yourself some time away from it. Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests.
Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive. Having a sponsor helps with the ninth step, as sponsors work side-by-side with recovering alcoholics and help determine how to handle making amends. Many sponsors bring an awareness of why individuals are motivated to express amends and can question the beneficial purpose of sharing such information from the past.
Reach Out Recovery
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable. This tends to result in enhanced relationships and repairing ones that were injured. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond to you. If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at
But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward. For many who lived in addiction, apologizing was a regular habit. Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence.
Relationships are chief among the casualties of substance use disorders, and for good reason. Loved ones who would do anything to help may eventually be overwhelmed by the reality of addiction. Those in the throes of this disorder behave in ways that don’t align with their values, religious beliefs, or moral codes.
If they take my words for granted, sometimes, I take a break from talking. I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). After attending your first AA meeting you may be eager to take responsibility for any harm created by your drinking habits. This is a good start to your journey, but AA Step 9 isn’t completely dependent on you. She made the brave decision to put her shame to one side and make her amends. Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated.
Mediatrice familiare, civile e commerciale, counselor, conduttrice gruppi di parola, formatrice,
laureata in Scienze per la pace: cooperazione internazionale e trasformazione dei conflitti presso
l’Università di Pisa. Da oltre dieci anni accompagno individui, coppie e famiglie in percorsi di
counseling e mediazione familiare con lo scopo di aiutarli ad affrontare e risolvere difficoltà
personali, relazionali o conflittualità.
Per dieci anni ho collaborato con un Centro Antiviolenza sostenendo donne vittime di
maltrattamento intrafamiliare e stalking nell’uscita dalla violenza. In questo ambito sono stata
docente in diversi contesti formativi rivolti ad operatori socio-sanitari e Forze dell’Ordine.
Sono docente in master per mediatori familiari e mi occupo di formazione in ambito aziendale.
Dal 2014 sono responsabile per la Lombardia del progetto Cominciamo da Piccoli di Fondazione
Paracelso che prevede l’affiancamento di una mediatrice alla famiglia fin dal momento della
diagnosi per sostenere i genitori di piccoli con emofilia aiutandoli ad affrontare, praticamente ed
emotivamente, tutti i bisogni che possono insorgere.
Dal 2018 collaboro con A.C.E. Associazione Coagulopatici ed Emofilici nell’ambito del progetto In
Ascolto a favore dei pazienti adolescenti, adulti e anziani dei Centro Emofilia del Policlinico di
Milano e dell’Humanitas di Rozzano (Mi) e dei loro familiari mettendo a loro disposizione uno
spazio di counseling e mediazione familiare.
Profondamente convinta che, come osserva Fritjof Capra, l’unica vera logica che governa
l’universo è quella cooperativa nella quale più io sto bene, più tu stai bene.
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